A Familiar Face

So, I posted about this on facebook at some point, because I was fed up then.  But I'll write out a whole long blog on it, because I have the feeling my unwelcome passenger will be accompanying me for a little longer than I'd hoped.

I have a chalazion on my eye.  It's not really gross, and most people don't even notice it.  But when I look in the mirror, the first thing I see is, "Hey, that's not my face."

I've had this sucker for five months now.  It was there at my freaking wedding.  I had it for one month before the wedding, and at that time, I looked up "How to get rid of a chalazion" and every source I read up on said, "It will go away in a month on its own."

So I applied hot compresses to it, and prayed that it would be gone before the wedding.  It wasn't.

So I applied soaked teabags.  I soaked my eye in saline.  Nope.

Finally, out of frustration, I sterilized a needle and stabbed the damn thing.  I got a little pus out, but in the long run, no difference.

So, we went to the doctor.  Apparently, you have to go to a GP before you can go to a specialist.  We went to the GP.  I asked, "Can you cut this sucker out of me?"  They were like, no, we need to schedule you a visit with a specialist.

Figures.  So I got a call from the specialist this morning.

ME: I'm so happy you'll finally be getting this thing out.
SPECIALIST'S NURSE: Oh, I'm sorry hun.  Our plastic surgeon does that.  You need to meet with our specialist first, though.

Are you kidding me?!?!?!  Where's that fucking needle I left in the bathroom!  I'm gonna cut this motherfucker out of my fucking face tonight!   Give me the damn needle!!!

Needless to say, my husband has decreed that I may not cut my own chalazion out.  (Yes, I could go and do it anyway, but his logic is too sound.)  Apparently, you're not supposed to attempt DIY eye surgery at home, because the eye is "very vascular."  To laymen like me, this means that if the pus inside my eye had been infectious, the infection could easily have spread throughout my entire eyeball, necessitating excision of the entire eye.

I suppose, if I hate having a little bump on my face, I'd really hate having only one eye.

(Damn, I really think I could get it if I just stabbed it hard enough...)

I solemnly swear I will not go cutting open my own eye.  I will wait for the (second!) doctor to look at it, then take my money, then tell me they can't do anything, so that the (fucking third!) doctor can look at it, then take my money, then tell me they can do something about it in another month or so-- something that will cost an arm and a leg.

Fucking medical system.  I've got a perfectly good sewing needle in my bathroom.